Human beings are strange… we allow fear to completely rule our lives, yet we keep striving for love.

It’s been a year since I started this blog, I was so sure I was ready to share my experiences, but in fact I was going through a lot of internal turmoil that I didn’t want to face. My nervous system did not like the idea of me sharing my experiences with the world, so it shut me down. But here I am, I did not give up, and after a full year of deep shadow work and climbing my way out of the belly of the beast, I now feel the nag to share the overflow of words inside my mind. I have come to understand that writing for me is not only to share my thoughts and feelings, but also to heal the deeper wounds. I now use writing to understand myself more and to purge out all the shadow, intrusive thoughts and weirdness that goes on in my mind.

What a year it has been and I’m sure this time I will share as much as I want about it… or not. The battle between fear and love is what moves our lives and sometimes we struggle to understand that these two feelings move each other in a dance of experiences that defines our own humanity. I have lived this dance intensely, especially in this past decade of my life. I allowed fear to rule my life in my younger years, yet I never gave up on the search for love, and to live my life fully from my heart. As I said, this past decade of my life has pushed me beyond my limits, specifically these past four years have been the most intense, not only for me but for everyone. And I know many will agree with me that we thought we were ready for the second decade of this millennium, but we were not ready at all. This is exactly the kind of feeling I’ve been having since this decade began, always feeling I was ready for it all, but now I know I was farther behind than I thought, in every aspect of my life. The ego is such a force to behold, it will lie to us in so many ways that when reality hits us, we find ourselves sitting on the floor and unable to move, leaving us either frozen or completely disoriented.

I thought I was ready a year ago, but little did I know that my journey back to my true self was just starting. Back then I had just a glimpse of what my life is going to be, but only God knew I was not ready for it yet, He knew I still had a lot of digging to do in the mud of my own shadow and all my fears, that the parts I had rejected within me were waiting for me on the other side of that beautiful glimpse of what I was shown my life would be. And that is why I did not give up on myself and this blog. The self-discovery path is not for the faint of heart, facing ourselves is the most difficult, yet most rewarding experience and gift we could ever give to ourselves. And as I understood, it is a path we cannot walk alone, we must have support, of any kind, to help and guide us through the mud. For me that support was mostly within my personal experience of who God is for me, through my connection to Him and to myself which also gave me permission to allow others to support me, mainly my mentors and friends who have also walked the esoteric path to self-discovery and connection with self and our Creator/Source.

Now I’m here, still afraid but more ready than ever to write and share. This blog is a gift to myself, a gift I would like to share with those who resonate with my words and my experiences. That is what living life from the heart, from love, means to me, to see life as the gift it is, to see each other as gifts from God and to share these gifts with each other.